A Letter To My Children…

It’s impossible to turn on the TV or look at your phone and see a world you feel good about leaving behind for your children.  Society seems to be going through a devolution, and it breaks my heart that this is the world my kids get to see as “normal”…when it is far from it.  

It makes me want to grab them and go off grid. Leave everything behind except for our sanity….but that’s not possible…and I would miss Trader Joe’s too much anyways.

I do know there is one thing I can do and must do…and it’s to teach and allow my kids to understand that everything can’t and won’t always be picture perfect.  

That they need to be resilient and learn to find their way in a world that is quite often very unkind.  As a mother, it is my innate desire to keep my kids from ever having any negative experiences or emotions.  

However, I know that’s impossible and, in the long run, detrimental  to try and sugar coat this thing we call Life.  I know my kids don’t always understand why I have the boundaries and set limits  that I do, but I’m not here to gain their approval.

I’m here to help them grow strong….body and mind.  Someday I’ll show them this letter. For now, I’ll let them roll their eyes at me and tell me I’m not being cool…but that’s ok,  I just get to remind them about how I used to hang out with P. Diddy and Eminem.

Dear M and T,

I  just want you to know how much I love you.  I loved you from the moment I saw those two stripes that let me know I was going to be your mom. I loved you when I first heard your heartbeats and felt your rapid little kicks. I loved you when the nurses handed you over and I kissed your miniscule pruney faces.  I have loved you every single second of every single day since then, and I’ll only continue to love you more.  

That crazy kind of mama love makes me want to protect you from everything…but I can’t and I won’t.  I would take a bullet for you.  I will do everything I can to keep you healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically,  But, even though it will kill me, I will have to let you fall sometimes and I will have to stand by and watch.  

I will have to trust that you will know how to get back up, and dust yourselves off, and keep going.  Because, as your mother, and because I love you, I want you to have grit. I want you to be resilient. I want  you to be able to survive in a world that is not always going to give you a soft landing. A world that will not always pat you on the back and tell you you are amazing.  And I want you to be able to deal with that.  

I want you to be able to understand that life is not always fair. That it can be full of disappointments, but that you need to be able to go through that to find the good stuff, and to find yourselves.  

When your teachers, coaches, or mentors tell me that you didn’t get that part in the school play, that spot on the sports team, or the highest grade in class, I won’t argue with them.  I won’t be disappointed in you.  I will give you a hug and let you know I love you no matter what, but that it’s important to understand that you’re not always going to get what you want.  

You can be great at a few things, or great at a lot of them….but I need you to understand that you’re not going to be great at everything, and that’s ok.  

Thinking you have to be great at everything just sets you up for disappointment and won’t allow you to focus on those things you really can excel in, or find your passion and give that your all. Sometimes you’ll just be “kinda good” at things.  Sometimes you’ll suck at them.

Nobody is great at everything. We all suck at something. Sometimes I suck at being a mom.  But you know what?  That’s ok.  It’s what makes us human.  It’s what makes us all so beautifully flawed and interesting.   It’s what helps you understand your own strengths and weaknesses….and that’s a part of growing up and becoming a mentally strong and healthy adult…..which is what I want you to become.

I want you to understand that very few people end up surrounded by “yes-men”.  As your mom, I wouldn’t wish for that to be a part of your future anyways.  

So many of those people, despite the fact that they’re always being applauded and told they’re great, and can seemingly have whatever they want in life, are often the most miserable and lonely people of all.  

I want you to be happy and rich in life.  But, in order to gain that, you have to understand the ups and downs of it all. You don’t get to really see and appreciate the beautiful until you have seen and been through the ugly.

I will praise you to the moon when you deserve it, but I won’t give you awards for just showing up.  If you do things that you know are wrong, I will always sit you down, look you in the eyes, and tell you what needs to change.  

You will have consequences you won’t like and rules you hate to follow.  You won’t like me all the time…and sometimes I won’t like you either….but I’m ok with that because I’m your  mom, not your schoolfriend.  It’s my job to be your teacher in the School of Life.  I’m not here to always make you happy, just as I can’t expect you to always make me happy.  But the love. The love is ALWAYS there.

I want you to learn to see the positive in every situation, or at least learn something from it.  Even the worst of experiences will teach you lessons that will inevitably, someday, take you towards something better. But, if I protect you from everything, if I try to save you from all the bad things….will you ever learn to see the good?

I’ll continue to make decisions that keep you as safe as I humanly can. I will continue to feed you the “uncool” foods that I know are building your bodies in the best way possible.

I will continue to enforce your bedtime and monitor what you see and do online. I will continue to kiss and hug you when I drop you off at school no matter how mortified you are about it. I will step in and defend you if the situation truly calls for it.

I will ALWAYS be your strongest advocate….but I will let you stumble, I will let you fall, I will let you feel disappointed, and I will let you struggle.  It will be hard for me….but you will grow stronger because of it.  Someday I won’t be here anymore, and you will need to know how to navigate through an all-too-tough world without me. So we start learning how to take those steps now. Little by little.  But most of all…I just want you to know how much I love you. –Mama

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