Girl, Growing: Observations from the Heart of a Girl Mom

My daughter just came home from her dad’s house and dumped three other award certificates onto my lap, so I’m sitting here overwhelmed with emotion. 

She graduated elementary school just over a week ago with top grades, recognition for perfect attendance, and a gold level Biliteracy Award….and now this.  The Kindness Queen Award, The Spring Challenge Award for fulfilling the Jedi Fitness Challenge with excellent determination, responsibility, and character, and a Certificate of Recognition for Academic Excellence from the Embassy of Spain in Washington D.C. for completing her coursework in an accredited bilingual school.

My heart….

Now, I have to apologize for the bragging.  Sometimes you just have to do a little of it though.  Those of you with kids will understand….we really endure so much to raise our children. Good parenting is a very, very, very difficult job 99% of the time.

We sacrifice so much. We sleep so little. Our coffee always ends up cold. We forget what going to the bathroom alone and in peace is like. We endure diaper explosions, tantrums, arguing, preteens, teens, oh my God teens…..

We give. We give. We give.

So when one, or more, of our kids does something amazing….we should be allowed to scream it from the rooftops. HERE!! HERE IS PROOF THAT I AM AN OK MOM (OR DAD) AFTER ALL!!  IT WAS WORTH IT! IT WAS ALL REALLY WORTH IT!!!

Ok, so back to my narrative.  I don’t know where to begin with this little girl.  She makes me proud beyond words.  Sure, we butt heads, but she is so much like me that it would be impossible not to.  

Impatient, introverted extrovert, perfectionist….she is my mini-me. I see it more and more every day as she grows up from baby one day to young lady the next.  In many ways I feel like I didn’t get the chance to dote on her as much as I would have wanted to, because of the challenges I went through with my son and my marriage. 

Or maybe she’s just growing up too fast.

I do wish I had had more peace and stability in my life during her early years so that I may have been able to really enjoy her babyhood, toddlerhood, and early childhood.  I wish that with my son as well. 

I have tons of pictures to prove we did have wonderful moments together….so why do I feel like it wasn’t enough? Maybe those moments went by too fast and were tainted with too many worries.  Or maybe I’m just feeling the mom-guilt and inadequacy so many of us feel.  Because this blessing of motherhood is a tough one….especially when we have to do it without a village.

I remember being told so many times how I needed to cherish and enjoy those moments.  Always by a small army of sweet elderly ladies as they would see me struggle with a toddler and infant while out running errands.  

I would laugh and cry a little at their words thinking they had all but forgotten the amount of work involved in caring for two tiny humans….but they were right.  Those moments are fleeting. 

Before you know it, your kids are too big and heavy to pick up anymore. They can’t sit on your lap. They don’t want to hold your hand (my girl still does and I hope she never stops). They don’t look at you like you’re a superhero and know everything…because all of a sudden, THEY know everything.  All of a sudden. How??

One day, they even stop believing in magic.

I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again, knowing everything I know now.  My daughter, with all of her academic accolades makes me feel like I must’ve done something right…but could I have done more? 

There’s always more, right? 

Not sure why I am even writing all of this, but maybe I just want all of you with babies and toddlers, preschoolers and kindergartners to really take in those moments you have with them…no matter how maddening they may be.  These kids grow up way too fast, and all that happens is you end up looking back wondering where the time went. Wishing things had slowed down a little.

I’ve been finding myself lost in thought a lot lately since my girl graduated elementary school. It wasn’t like this when my son moved on to middle school.  Perhaps because the little one still had so many years left to go before she got there….so there is a feeling of finality to this.

They are closer to adulthood than to their infancy now…..and I don’t really know how to wrap my mind, or my heart, around this.  Maybe subconsciously it is starting to hit me that I am going to have to let go soon….that in 5 years my son will probably move out, my daughter only a few years after.

Empty nest.  

You never even begin to imagine what that might be like when your babies are tiny.  Every moment consumed with feeding, cuddling, bathing, wiping tears, snot, bottoms….you kind of never even realize the last time you do any of those things. Do you?

My baby is now a middle schooler. My little girl, growing. Six years of elementary school over and done with.  Hard not to get a little teary eyed when I think that I won’t be dropping her off at her old school anymore.

She’s excited to be moving on up, and I have to keep this sadness and apprehension to myself. I don’t want to make any of this feel negative to her….but my baby is a young lady now and I kind of don’t know where that time went.  I know this is just the beginning of many more beautifully bittersweet moments we will have.  I just wish I could keep her little for a tiny bit longer…..

**As an affiliate I make a small portion of any sale made via links on my blog.