The Importance of True Friends.

I had brunch on Saturday with one of my oldest friends. We’ve known each other since Kindergarten and no matter how much times passes in between our meetings, we always fall right back into the most natural pattern.  We just “get” each other.  She can take one look at me and know how I’m doing.  

She is one of few people who can see past my smiles and know if I’m coming undone. She is one of a very small group of friends I hold close because they epitomize the true definition of friendship….and friendship like this is priceless.

Not sure if it is a cultural or societal thing in the States, but more often than not we are taught from an early age to be independent, and to have the ability to stand alone and weather all storms. These are noble traits to have, and important…however, we cannot forget how vital it is to be a part of a village.  

Yes, we should be able to forge ahead without having to hold anyone’s hands. We need this strength and determination, especially as women, but we also need to know that if tides become too turbulent, someone will throw us a lifesaver. For some this is family, for others friends, and for a blessed few….a mixture of the two.

Although life has thrown me monkey wrenches aplenty and more storms to weather than I care to remember, I have to admit that I’ve been blessed with the presence of some truly remarkable friends.  Men and women who are ride or die.  Who are mafia loyal, and honest to the core. The siblings I never had.  The perfect examples of quality over quantity. These are the people who have stood by me no matter what…..and who I would, in any and every instance, do the same for.

Friends. I have a hard time using that word as loosely as society wants us to.  I believe in being amicable, polite, and kind to everyone….but friends are akin to family in my book.  Friends are those who won’t judge you, who will be by your side through thick and thin, who will defend your honor and your name regardless of the situation, who want nothing but your happiness, and who add positivity and doses of sanity as needed. No drama. No reaching out only when it benefits them.  Just real, solid, good intentions.

When I got divorced, I lost several “friends”.  Seems to happen to many women in my camp.  Perhaps people think divorce is contagious. I don’t know.  After my father died, I lost a few more people I thought were friends.  This, could’ve been my fault, as I became very reclusive and couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the house other than to do what was necessary. Maybe they thought I was snubbing them.  

I tend to look and act like everything is ok, even when it’s not…so perhaps they’d see me running errands and not quite understand that “happy Morayma” was really going through it.  I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just only had so much of an outside face I could put on before needing to run back home and let those proverbial waves of grief take over.  

Only a select few people continued to reach out, to check in, and just make sure I was ok.  They didn’t care if I couldn’t meet for happy hour, or go out on the weekends.  They just wanted me to know that they were there should I need them. They held space for me. Friendship.

Those ones that have stuck around, like my Kindergarten friend, help me put my pieces back together time and again.  Simply with their presence. Some prayed for me, some brought meals for my kids and I, one gave me a side hustle so I could pay some bills, others would just text me a heart emoji at random. A few always knew just when to reach out…uncanny timing, uncanny love.  

Simple actions and things that mean more than I’ll ever be able to put into words.  Things I never asked for, because I never ask for help. I can’t. I don’t know how…..but they just knew, and did.  Those are friends.

When I met with my friend on Saturday, she bought me brunch and delivered it with a heavy dose of wisdom, experience, and sanity. I didn’t tell her that I needed it. She just knew.  She could read between my words and look into my heart. She knew what I needed to hear, whether I wanted to hear it or not, and told me. No sugar in my coffee, no sugarcoating in her words.  Just raw, real, honesty. She’s my girl. My kind of woman.  I walked away full of bacon and eggs, yet with a huge weight lifted.  Amiga.

I remember my parents telling me that I shouldn’t worry about having lots of friends. That it’s better to be alone than with bad company….”mejor sola que mal acompañada”. That a few real friends are better than a lot of fake ones. They taught me that friends should be loyal and trustworthy. That they should never use me for what I may have or how I can help them.  

I find myself repeating these same words to my own kids…only now I really understand them….because you truly do end up with far less friends the older you get and the more life knocks you around….but have mercy, they are the good ones.

I’m filing this post under Random Musings.  I’m not helping you stay healthy during cold and flu season with this, or tipping you off on how to combat adult acne.  

Maybe I’m helping you take a moment to realize who the good people in your life are, because there’s always at least one.  

Maybe I’m helping you realize that not everyone deserves a place at your table.  

Maybe you’ll get to this last paragraph and mumble about how badly you wished this had been about dryer balls or natural air fresheners.  

I’ll get to those another time, I promise.  It’s just that sometimes, I’ll start out with every intent to wax and wane poetic about essential oils, but my heart will want to go in a different direction…..And that’s just what it did.