American Woman.

I had a conversation not too long ago with one of my non-American friends. She said that she, and many of the people she knows, had a preconceived notion of what the typical American woman was like. That we were all “princesses” who expected everyone to give us everything we want when we want it. Spoiled brats, basically.

When I heard that I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, cry, or be severely insulted. Now, I’m not one who gets offended too often…but this time around I have to admit that I was definitely in the offendee camp. Then again, maybe she honestly didn’t know any better. We do live in the age of social media caricatures, and the likes of the Kardashians. I can see why some non-Americans might have such an erroneous view of us Yankee girls. Yet, while there are enough Paris Hiltons and other trust fund babies who do fit that description here, there are many, many girls and women who fit that description in other countries as well. Maybe even more than in the States. Who’s to say? (I mean….I happen to have met a few….just sayin’…)

What I can tell you is this…..I do not have a single friend, relative, or acquaintance who has lived off of handouts or money from their parents. We have all busted our behinds to have everything we have. Some have more than others but it’s all been earned and not given to us by a parent, boyfriend, or husband. I started working when I was 14 years old. Not as a model, that happened by accident right after I graduated from college. I worked in flower shops, clothing stores, restaurants, as a babysitter, and receptionist. Jane of all trades.

I worked my way through high school, and then college. I attended University on the sweat of my brow, scholarships, and student loans. I didn’t have a wealthy family or even middle-class parents to rely on. I didn’t go on a single Spring Break or Winter Ski Week. Never went on any type of vacation growing up except for to very occasionally visit out of town family….and I can count those trips on the fingers of one hand. I grew up wearing hand-me-downs from my mom’s friends’ daughters. There were times in my life when my parents only had $30 for a week’s worth of groceries so they bought beans and rice in bulk and that is all we ate along with government cheese and donated canned goods.

When I graduated from college, I began my modeling career. I finally was making enough money to be somewhat insouciant, but not very. I still sent money home to make sure my student loans and other bills were getting paid each month. When I eventually met my ex-husband, and we moved in together, we split the rent and bills in half. Sometimes I carried the financial burden because I was earning more in the early years as he built his career and got sober. I was making a decent living modeling and working on commercials, and was happy to do what I could to build our life together. Once he started earning more money, and I was caring for our two young children, he took over the finances…..but I still had my little bookings and online writing work in order to pay for my own clothes or buy extra things for the kids. Once in a year I’d splurge on a professional haircut…because I’d usually cut my own hair at home. Still do.

After the divorce, I found myself needing to find ways to keep my kids and I afloat aside from child support. No small feat in a city as expensive as LA. I had to give up modeling and commercials on a full time basis in order to be home for the kids before and after school. I no longer had reliable childcare and my ex had his own life and work. I still shoot for old clients once in a while but I piece together my living by writing and teaching. No one bankrolls my life.

I still don’t take vacations, go to the spa, get my nails done, go “shopping” or “do lunch”. I work hard for the things I have….and I’m writing this after sewing the holes in two pairs of my leggings because I can’t justify buying news ones with all the bills I have to pay. This, after I cleaned the house, did the laundry, did the groceries, helped my kid with her homework, and worked at the school for 7 hours. American princess? Sure…..

This is not a sob story or a complaint. This is my life, and I’m owning it. I have many friends in similar situations. We are not spoiled. We are not princesses (although by lineage I am…but you’d never know it!!). We are not demanding. We are, however, American. Whatever you see on the Real Housewives of Wherever, is NOT reality. At all. We don’t expect to be given anything other than respect, honesty, and loyalty…..and I’ll take those over a material handout any day of the week.

So….for people who have preconceived notions of what American women are like….or what anyone from any country is like…take the time to talk to a real local. If you’re in LA, go outside of the “Hollywood” scene and talk to those of us who are not that different than you. We are people just trying to make a living, and stay healthy and sane in an all too crazy world. We pay bills, run errands, and take care of our own kids sans nannies. We want honest love, and well rounded families, and a nice glass of Two Buck Chuck at the end of the day. Bottom shelf bliss, baby. We don’t walk around Whole Foods in $200 yoga pants and a full face of makeup. We most likely look like we’ve just spent a week in the trenches…because adulthood. We are real people, like you. Just talk to us……and you’ll see.

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