On Repeating History. (Corona Diaries entry 2)

Each day that we are in quarantine in order to avoid being exposed to a virus, I feel like we are inundated with a completely different type of viral exposure. The media.

Every day I wake up thinking I can make life as normal as possible, but that is a gross attempt at futility. I have gone back to being a full-time stay-at-home mom and make the best of things by creating fun meals for my teenagers like when they were little. We take the dog on long walks. They impress me with how “awake” they are. I try not to worry about the world I brought them into. And repeat.

Since they are technically on Spring Break right now, there are no online learning issues. As soon as that is over next week….I know one of them will be driving me completely nucking futs. My liver will probably hate me by the end of this pandemic….but what keeps me awake at night is everything that has gone viral and how it is sickening us mentally…not just physically.

I have good cause to hesitate before accepting that everything the media or government and its bedmate corporations sell us is true. I have always been a free thinker….it’s in my blood. Hungarian Freedom Fighter genetics. However, I followed a lot of rules like a good girl until I saw that some of those rules hurt one of my family members, and all of a sudden realized that the Powers That Be really only care about one thing. Profit. Maybe two things. Profit and control. Once you stare that beast in the face….you forever question EVERYTHING.

So, when the world shuts down over a pandemic that is suspiciously similar to a plethora of movies and docuseries…and that was somehow “predicted” by someone who is not a medical professional….the wheels do have to turn for me.

Now, let me tell you this….I do believe there is a viral illness that is affecting many, many people and is highly contagious. I have my fingers on the pulse of medicine and health every day of the year whether I want to or not. It is ingrained in me and has been for over a decade. I watch. I listen. I learn. I take notes. I also cannot help but see outside of the box.

I received an email from my kids’ pediatrician last week. He is one of the country’s foremost pediatric doctors and I trust him and his office implicitly. The email stated that across the board, many medical-heads are thinking this virus many have been here in the States since the fall. There was a tremendous upper respiratory virus circulating then which mimicked the flu but tested negative to Flu A and B.

I believe this because it hit my house hard…..and if you know me, you know this family can fight off illness like Old Ironsides. Whatever this virus was….was insane. My kids did a lot better than I did with it. It took MONTHS for my lung capacity to recover. No joke. Corona? Perhaps. Whatever it was….I don’t wish it on anyone. So I am not without compassion or sympathy. Believe me.

I do not want to take away from the pain and suffering that those who are dealing with this virus are under. That is not and never will be my intent. I am just extremely worried by the trends I am seeing….and wonder if perhaps we can approach things differently. Or could have. If nothing else, perhaps we can be aware of how we are behaving so we do not repeat history.

This might get long.

I worry about how quickly and eagerly we give up our freedoms, or maybe how easily they can be taken away.

I worry about how we do not have systems in place to care for the sick and elderly so that we can do what is properly deemed a QUARANTINE. Healthy people are not quarantined….the sick or compromised are. Look up the definition!! Without proper healthcare and aide systems in place, we now find that EVERYONE must be locked down leading to disastrous economic repercussions for families, small businesses, and the like.

I worry about how unhealthy we already are as a society and how that adds to the number of people with underlying health issues…many of which are not even diagnosed because, sorry to say, it has been my experience that A LOT of doctors can’t think outside of a script unless they have been trained in integrative practices.

I worry about how broken our system is which pretty much encompasses my last two points. I like putting things in nutshells.

I worry about how quickly people are turning against their neighbors. Taking pictures and videos of families and others outside at a park, or the beach, or going for a walk. Reporting them. Are we so ignorant of history that this doesn’t smack of “reporting to the gestapo”? Of Cubans being told to report their neighbors for speaking out against the government because Fidel asked them to? Family members turning each other in? Remember, those people all thought that what they were doing was for the “greater good” also.

Sure…there are rules to follow, yes, but there will always be rule breakers. We can have a full military lockdown and someone will still get out and do something stupid….but at what point do you feel the need to call other people out to the government? The police? At what point do we realize that justifying this behavior is a frightening throwback to “what went wrong” in other countries, other times, other wars?

I worry about the posts I see with people saying everyone who doesn’t stay home deserves to die. Deserves to die? Such anger and vitriol….that those sentiments should cross someone’s mind is sad enough. That they feel the need to put it in writing across the internet is frightening.

I worry about the fact that as long as we are locked down the suicide rate is exploding, as are cases of domestic violence, and child abuse. Can we talk about how this is affecting overall mental health? Want numbers? Look them up. Everyone needs to start doing their homework now.

I worry about people in recovery who NEED their rooms. Online 12 step meetings are great in a pinch, but it is that human connection that addicts of all kinds need. That look in the eye from someone who understands the demons they are battling. The call to a sponsor to come over at 2 am when the urge becomes too great. What happens to them? We don’t care, right? Because they are addicts? Well, guess what. WE ALL ARE ADDICTED TO SOMETHING NOW…….it is fear.

I worry about all of the special needs kids who have lost their services and are starting to regress already because they need the structure, they need the consistency, they need the “village”. I hear story after story of parents struggling to care for their neuro-atypical kids right now and it is heartbreaking.

I worry about the people who are starving. The homeless who no longer can rely on one meal a day or a week because those services are cancelled.

I worry about the fact that we need time outdoors and not everyone has the privilege of a back yard. Sunlight and excercise are essential to good health. Keep everyone locked up and what do you think will happen? All of the do-gooders calling the cops on a family at the park or walking their dog….what on earth are you thinking? I feel as if my family will be made local pariahs for going on walks now even though it’s not yet against the rules. That we’ll be branded with #stayhome or have our pictures show up on social media as the “outlaws”.

I won’t even touch on the toilet paper debacle.

I worry about how this virus has become an excuse for some parts of the population to show just how ignorant and racist they are.

I worry about the elderly. People who are fiercely independent or outrageously stubborn, and who are suffering from being cloistered within 4 walls. A generation of folks who went out despite gunfire, tanks, and the dropping of bombs. They had things to attend to. They did it. They don’t want this to stop their lives…or what little is left of it. I cannot imagine what my dad would feel like now if he were still alive. I have heard speak from some of that generation saying they would rather pass away than be forbidden time outside or with their loved ones. Think about that for a moment.

I worry about what will happen when people realize they have run out of money, food, and resources. When you push a population to the brink of desperation they respond in kind. When people feel the need to defend their homes, their kids, themselves….they will. This is not Tokyo, Taipei, or Milan. I live in Los Angeles, the United States, the Wild West. I remember the riots. Do you?

I worry that every time someone posts a somewhat hopeful article about a drug treatment that may work it becomes a massive political debate and people beg to be given an untested vaccine and paperwork to prove it instead in order to go to work, travel, and what else? “Papers please”….ein Moment, bitte.

I worry that we have forgotten that those whose opinions we trust in so completely are of the same echelon of society that brought us human testing during WWII, eugenics, the Tuskegee Experiment, DDT trucks spraying streets while young children played outdoors…and more, and more, and more. Governments are never wrong. Scientists are never wrong. CEO’s of tech corporations are never wrong. They care about us. Really?

I worry that we are told to be afraid, very, very afraid, but not told what we can do holistically to prepare our bodies should we get the virus, or how we can support our immune systems naturally. No. Just stay home and wash your hands. Wear a mask. Tell on your neighbors. Beg for martial law. By all means keep eating McDonalds, sugar, and processed foods. Yeah, do all that.

I worry that even though we see experts from across the globe give numbers that vary wildly, we are so inundated by the viral pushing of fear by the media that we cannot fathom that maybe, just maybe we will be ok, and maybe, just maybe the people pushing those numbers are capable of being incorrect.

I worry that there may not be any right or wrong answers to this situation we all find ourselves in….

I worry about how paralyzed we are.

I worry that all of the fear we are being served daily and virally will make us lose our humanity. Fear can move people to become a very dark version of themselves.

I worry about the tremendous impact a completely broken economy will have on “we the people”. No one making decisions will be impacted like the rest of us will, and I don’t care what side of the political coin you are on. At the end of the day they all shake hands (or fist bump now, whatever) go back to their affluent neighborhoods, and WE get screwed.

I know there is a virus. I know people are getting sick. I know people are dying. I know in my gut there is more to this. I know there is more we are not being told. I can’t just allow the viral media to tell me what is true and disregard so many other sources of information from other highly regarded professionals in the fields of science, epidemiology, and medicine…simply because they don’t fit the narrative our media sources want…or simply because they aren’t American or English. Again, if you want sources….dig deeper. Online schooling for the masses needs to start.

Perhaps it all comes down to every government across the globe royally f****g up on this. Whatever the deal is….it’s not just the illness that is killing us.

This is what is on my mind. I won’t discuss this with friends who are not like minded….but I will tell my truth on this blog….because it is my property. I pride myself in maintaining relationships with people of all belief systems, and I never will try to change anyone’s mind. So I do expect the same respect. If you read this and disagree….I hope you can still respect me as a free thinking human and understand that we all have our own perspectives.

Do I think we need to take precautions? Absolutely. I just think we should be allowed to think as well….and not be criticized or condemned for it.

I won’t engage in a battle of words because I think we need to come together now more than ever…regardless of whether we see eye-to-eye…. and just try to inject some hope and deeper thinking into what are pretty dark days. It is ok to have hope. It is ok to think outside the box. It is ok to ask questions. It is ok to think twice. It is ok to go with your gut. It is ok not to believe everything the media tells us as gospel.

There is always more to the story. Always.

….and hopefully we do not find ourselves repeating history.