If you grew up Gen X like me, chances are you learned more about frog anatomy than about your own hormones. Puberty was awkwardly discussed, periods were something to “deal with,” and menopause was reduced to a punchline about hot flashes and mood swings. The in-between…the decades of hormonal shifts that start long before menopause…is something most of us entered blindly. I know I did…and while I was lucky not to enter this stage until my mid 40s, I wish I wouldn’t have had to feel so blindsided by all of it.
I’ve written about how I grew up and the lack of healthy relationship with my mother, so it’s no surprise that she never mentioned perimenopause and menopause to me when I was younger. The thing is, that no one else educated me on these life changes either, not my doctors, not my health class…and the more of my girlfriends I talk to, the more I find out how common this lack of communication was for all of us, regardless of how good our moms were (or weren’t). There was no conversation about how your 30s or 40s could bring fatigue that coffee can’t fix, anxiety that feels out of control, or cycles that suddenly start changing like clockwork gone rogue. Itchy ear canals, dry skin, hip pain…the list is so long, and all we ever heard about was the random hot flash?? Ugh. For so many Gen X women, this hormonal transition has been a confusing, sometimes isolating, experience, and that’s exactly why we need to change the narrative for our daughters and break the silence we inherited.
I’m thinking our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have the language or the resources to talk about what was happening to their bodies. Many of them were told to just “get through it” or were dismissed as emotional or aging….but we know better now. So, we need to do better. Much better. We know that perimenopause and menopause aren’t just about hot flashes, they’re about massive hormonal recalibration that touches nearly every system in our bodies. Also, who knows…maybe all of the extra toxins, endocrine disruptors, processed foods, and chemicals we are exposed to now are actually making things WORSE for us than it was for them? Either way, there has to be more and better communication about this for the sake of our girls.
Now, I know that the silence of our mothers and grandmothers wasn’t intentional, but it certainly left us unprepared. We learned to normalize exhaustion, to medicate anxiety, to power through brain fog and irritability, thinking we were just “getting older”, but the truth is, our hormones were shifting, and no one told us what that meant, what to watch out for, or how to support ourselves through it. Our daughters deserve a better story. They deserve to understand that their bodies are not problems to be fixed, but systems to be supported. That every stage…puberty, menstruation, fertility, perimenopause, menopause…is a natural evolution, not a decline.
We can start by normalizing the conversation early. That doesn’t mean scaring them with symptoms but equipping them with knowledge. They should know that hormones ebb and flow throughout life, and that those changes can affect mood, sleep, focus, skin, and energy. They should know that perimenopause is the transition leading up to menopause and can begin as early as their 30s
(and even earlier in some cases)….and they should know that menopause isn’t an ending…it’s a transformation into a new, often steadier phase of womanhood.
I speak very openly with my 18 year old daughter about everything I feel…the changes, the ups and the downs, and what I am doing about it. I want her to know and understand that hormonal shifts during perimenopause can bring on symptoms like irregular cycles, heavier or lighter periods, mood changes, anxiety, fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, dry skin, weight changes, and sleep disturbances. Some women experience heart palpitations, increased sensitivity to stress, or even new food sensitivities. The more I experience and do my own research, the more I keep finding out about the most random symptoms that I think are important for her to know about well in advance. I don’t ever want her to feel scared or like she’s “dying” which is a feeling so many women I have spoken to have dealt with during perimenopause. Yes, that’s how scary it can be when you don’t know what is happening or why your body is acting like it is. I also want her to have the empowerment and understanding that how she treats her body NOW will absolutely affect how her body traverses the waters of midlife later. I know that understanding all of this will help her approach her body and its future changes with curiosity and care instead of frustration and fear because when we understand the “why” behind what we feel, we can respond with compassion rather than confusion.
For many women, perimenopause and menopause are a wake-up call to care for their bodies in new ways. Supporting hormonal balance isn’t about perfection, it’s about nourishment which might look like adding more whole foods, omega-3s, and plant-based phytoestrogens (like flaxseed, red clover, or soy) into the diet. It might mean prioritizing strength training and walking for bone health and mood. It might mean learning to rest deeply, manage stress intentionally, creating a community of like minded women for support, and choosing joy over overwork. I talk to my daughter about all of these options because if you start creating healthy habits at a young age, once perimenopause starts to rear its ugly head, it’ll be that much easier to maintain a healthy routine…rather than all of a sudden trying to “do all the right things” once your body is already in the throes of hormonal shifts and changes.
Teaching our daughters about perimenopause and menopause isn’t just about preparing them for the future…it’s about empowering them right now. When girls grow up understanding the language of their own bodies, they become women who advocate for themselves in doctors’ offices, who recognize when something feels off, and who approach change with confidence instead of fear. Imagine a generation of young women who enter each new stage of life knowing how to support themselves naturally, holistically, and with grace, who see aging not as something to fight against, but something to grow into, who see their mothers embracing this season of change not with shame or secrecy, but with wisdom and self-compassion.
That’s the kind of legacy we can leave.
It’s time to stop whispering about perimenopause menopause and start teaching it. To tell our daughters what we wish we’d known, to redefine beauty, vitality, and womanhood beyond the narrow lens of youth. Perimenopause and menopause aren’t the end of our story…they’re a new chapter filled with strength, clarity, and self-awareness.
Let’s give our daughters what we didn’t have…the language, the knowledge, and the permission to honor every version of themselves along the way, because when we teach them that their bodies are wise, adaptable, and worthy of care at every age, we don’t just change their future…we heal something in ourselves too.
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