I honestly considered starting this blog post out with a little homage to Eminem…”looks who’s back, back again”… you’ve got the lyrics running through your head from just reading this now, don’t you?! I mean, he’s just had a comeback after all…and so have I (but just on this humble little blog ha!).
My last post was way back in April, after I had decided that I would start writing more regularly again, but adulthood happens and sometimes it rewires me as much as I try to rewire it…so here we are making a blogging comeback almost 4 months later.
I won’t write a list of excuses, but I will explain why I took a little hiatus….it’s mostly good things that kept me from doing what I love and sharing stories, life tips, and everything in between. Sometime mid-April, my husband and I closed on our very first house together. A dream neither of us thought would ever come to fruition, being that we’re both independent contractors, and getting a mortgage as a non-traditional income earner can be….rough….but we made it happen with perseverance, prayers, and the best real estate agent we could’ve asked for.
While super excited for this new chapter in our lives, it also left me in a time crunch needing to pack an entire house up on my own (hubby was working out-of-state), move out my firstborn from his first year of college, and wrestle with an ever increasing workload all at once. For those of you who don’t already know, my “real job” is working as a relocation consultant for a company who assists corporate clients in getting their transferees from point A to point B as smoothly as possible. So, while I was helping others relocate with ease…I was in the trenches with my own move.
Everything aligned and worked out perfectly in the end, but there was no way I would be writing or creating video content with so many other fires burning at once (yep…I do have a YouTube channel too!). For almost two months, it felt like I had no time to sleep, eat, exercise, or often take a full breath. I just had to keep reminding myself that the light at the end of this stress-tunnel would be a wonderful and cozy new place to call home. I hurtled towards that light, and now we are all settled and have been since the end of May….and it was truly worth every new gray hair I sprouted!
Sometime during all of that I also turned 50. I did not celebrate in any way, with any one. I celebrated by packing up the last of our old house and reminding myself that this gift of a new home was the best gift I could’ve ever wanted…and I was right.
Turning 50 is a massive milestone though, and with it comes some sense of existential crisis and a new way of staring your own mortality in the face. It’s empowering but also tremendously humbling. Humbling because you realize you don’t have the same amount of time you had 30, 20, 10 years ago….the time to do all the things you ever dreamt of doing and seeing all of the places you have written on your bucket list. A sense of urgency sprinkled with panic creeps up on you out of nowhere….and at the same time you also gain a better grasp at serenity. A feeling of ok-ness that you began cultivating in your 40s but all of a sudden at 50 you feel really starts to take hold.
I struggle with feeling like I am not where I thought I would be at this age, but also feel very content with where I have landed. I have two great kids (who drive me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that’s their job!), the best husband on the planet, a home, my good ol’ reliable 2014 car (it’s paid off, baby!), great friends, wonderful memories, and a deep sense of gratitude.
I don’t care about what anyone thinks about me…and what a relief that is! The angst ridden days of youth (especially for these social media generations) is not something I envy or ever want to experience. I feel comfortable in my own skin, even as it softens and changes in ways it never did before. I don’t love the gray hairs or the mystery aches and pains, but the wisdom and carefully crafted world-view from a life well lived and many roller coasters ridden are worth every silver strand and muscle spasm. The indigestion and random perimenopause symptoms maybe not so much…..ha yeah.
I still have a heart for travel and adventure, but I was very blessed to cover a lot of the planet when I was younger. I don’t feel the pull to uproot as strongly as I used to. I love my couch, a good show, and a good meal as much as I used to love being dropped off at the airport with a suitcase full of CDs and clothes and a mind full of dreams.
I reminisce…..A LOT. I laugh at myself because I’m becoming my dad, who used to always love talking about the glory days of life in the US in the 60s and 70s. I just find myself talking about the 80s, 90s, and even the very early 2000s…..but I’m not wrong in the reminiscing, am I? Life was really so good then, and we didn’t even know to appreciate it.
I hold my Gen X card close to my heart and can’t wait to see what the next few decades hold for us as a generation. I’m also not without my worries about the direction the world is moving in at full tilt right now….but we survived rusty metal playgrounds, hose water, and latch-key childhoods. I think we might just be ok.
So….here I am. 50 and back. I have a lifetime to share about, and a brain with multiple browsers open at once at all times….which just means I have loads to share and share I must.
Keep checking in for more so that we can keep on rewiring adulthood together….and thanks for stopping by, it’s good to be back! 🙂
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