Another school year has come to an end and brought with it nearly perfect grades and awards of achievement for my children. I am proud. How could I not be? However, along with these glowing moments of parenting come to fruition, I’m also made to take pause.
I read a lot about pretty much everything, but one topic that has popped up more than any other in the past few weeks is that of success, overscheduling, and failure. Pediatricians are now telling parents that their kids need more time outdoors playing freely, not just in organized sports. That they need to be bored, and not have every minute of their free time used as anything but free time. Sure parents dream of their kids being the next superstar (fill in the blank) ….but is that all that your kids really want? Or do they realistically have a chance to be? How will they feel about themselves if they don’t achieve that pinnacle of “greatness”?
Why this panicked rush towards success…this race to perhaps nowhere? Is it because it makes for a better social media story? I don’t get it. I think we all beat ourselves up enough for not being everything we dreamt we would be…so why do this to our kids? Sure, maybe this year was stellar for them…but what about next year? What happens if they stumble, rebel, or fail?
We live in a society that demands we be successful at everything. It says that failure is unacceptable and brands you with the scarlet letter “L” on your forehead if you don’t measure up. If you, or your kids, don’t have what it takes, then by all means filter everything into perfection, fake the championship photos, the vacations, the Norman Rockwell-ness of it all. Click, shoot, upload, and repeat. Why? How empty is that?
I can tell you that after a lifetime of many hurdles jumped over and many years spent wondering why I hadn’t succeeded to the level I wanted or accomplished all of the things on my childhood “to-do” list, I still feel satisfied. Not perfect, but does that even exist? I think to myself that there was a reason why for all of what I have accomplished and all my failures as well. I wasn’t willing to sell my soul, I wasn’t going to put my self-worth on the clearance shelf, and sometimes I simply walked away from situations because I knew I deserved more than crumbs…especially when I was always willing to bring the entire cake to the table.
Whether it is sports or academics, friendships, careers, or your family’s expectations of you…sometimes you’re not going to succeed at those things. At least not in the way society considers success to mean. Maybe you’ll succeed at some and fail at others, or maybe even fail at everything all at once. When it rains it pours, right? But it is all a part of your story and depending on how you view those failures, you can either move forward in the direction that you’re meant to go or you can be held back in a quagmire of self-pity. But that ability to move forward has to be taught…and it’s a lesson quickly being left in the past.
In this society of success-at-all-costs, I’m ready to start screaming from the rooftops that there is more to life than winning. There is more to life than being better than him, better than her, better than the Joneses. That what some people may call failure is actually you winning…winning your freedom….freedom to do what you want, however different, out of the box, mold breaking, or simply just quiet and peaceful it may be. You won’t know as long as you stay caught up in the push for somebody else’s version of perfection.
This life we have is fleeting and worth so much more than an Instagram Story or a good tale to tell at the next family reunion. It has to mean more than reports cards, Ivy League acceptance letters, and a shelf full of trophies. It has to mean way more than the latest Range Rover, the right zip code, or that couture dress. Do any of those things feed your soul or do they feed your ego? I think we know the answer to that.
I will always have expectations for my kids to be decent human beings and to have good work ethic. I know they will be great at some things and fail at others. I will never over schedule or push them to be anything other than who they intrinsically are. I will not demand perfection. How could I? How can any of us? To be honest, the closest to perfection I think a human can be is when they are full of integrity and strength of character….and I can guarantee you, those are not badges of honor you earn while racing towards perfection because perfection does not exist. They are earned during times of defeat, struggle, failure, and the ability to rise back up as many times as necessary….and those badges are priceless.
header photo by Bayu Jefri @Pexels
