This will be short and sweet. I won’t wax and wane philosophical or poetic like I have a penchant of doing. I’ve written before on the importance of holding space during some of our major holidays….just needed to touch on one more. So, today I take a break from sharing my thoughts on life during quarantine and dedicate it to those of us who have a different view of Mother’s Day.
There are certain days of the year that require holding space more than others. Mother’s Day is one of them. We normally think of flower bouquets, brunch, Hallmark cards, or breakfast in bed. We think of smiling photos of the matriarchs in our lives, and happy memories of childhood….but for many of us, it’s a reminder of what we no longer have or perhaps never had to begin with.
I want to recognize everyone who cannot celebrate this day in the usual way. People whose mothers have passed on, those who never really had a mother figure, or who grew up having to take care of their mothers making them grow up much faster than they should ever have had to.
I want to give props to the women who became mothers and had to learn how to break dysfunctional cycles by way of parenting books, instinct, and a whole lot of soul. This day we should celebrate ourselves and our children…who we have raised without the blueprint of motherhood so many others grow up with. Someday our kids will realize that their mamas were heroes…of the un-caped kind.
I want us to remember that some grow up with mothers who did the best they could with what they had, but sometimes what they had was mental illness, physical ailments, addiction, or childhood trauma of their own. All of which did not allow them to truly mother us. So…we became the caretakers. The little mamas. We took care of ourselves, and everyone around us. We became self sufficient, yet always wondered if we would be good enough because we never had that unconditional cheerleader that so many others do have.
I want say that it is ok to turn off social media on a day like today because on Mother’s Day it hurts to see reminders of the mothers we don’t have either due to loss or other reasons. It’s ok to go through aisles of cards at the store and not find one that “speaks” to you because none of them align with your experiences.
Hold space for yourself on Mother’s Day. Whether your mother is watching you from above, or simply not present emotionally….whatever your story of motherhood/childhood may be….its ok to feel whatever you need to feel on a day like today…grief, resentment, numbness, overwhelm, sadness…all and any of it. I believe our inner child never truly stops wishing for what every kid should so naturally have.
If you have kids of your own, even if they are of the four-legged variety, soak them in today…yeah even the teenagers who think you’re super embarrassing. If you are on your own….do something to make yourself feel good…even if it’s just a nap or an extra glass of red. Do what you need, and know that there’s a whole bunch of us that understand deeply what you’re feeling.
header photo by Skitterphoto @pexels
