Overwhelm.

I’ve always been really good at smiling my way through life no matter the challenges. I’ve always been great at taking on more than I could or should handle too. I know I’m not unique in this….but I also recognize that it’s not particularly healthy or ok.

Not that I advise that we all walk around falling apart or coming undone. There’s something to be said about strength of character and grit. Both of which are going the way of the dinosaur….or so it seems.

….but at some point it’s important to realize that you maybe don’t always have to be strong, appear strong, or stay strong.

Stay strong.

Damn it, I can’t tell you how often I have heard those words and honestly even though they have been delivered with the best of intentions….they don’t help.

I know I need to stay strong. We all do, right?

Just like we all know the importance of maintaining gratitude and hope.

….but sometimes we just want someone to tell us it’s ok to be overwhelmed and fall apart. It is exhausting to keep it together. Add in keeping it together for your family and everyone else….that order is sometimes too tall to fill.

I’m overwhelmed. There. I said it.

I’m ok. I’ll be ok….but that’s not the point.

We don’t talk enough about this. We aren’t honest enough. We want the world to think we are perfect parents, perfect employees, perfect friends, perfect spouses/partners. We have to keep up with the Internet Joneses with our highlight reels of life as we think it should be.

The truth of the matter is that this year has made it harder on the best of us to keep smiling through the fire and brimstone. I do my little dance online with the funny memes and the inspirational blog posts too. I have my good days…but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have terrible days as well.

I’m overwhelmed.

I won’t bore you with the details of everything that’s on my plate. We all have our own stories, and we all are trying our best to man our ships. Suffice it to say there are just not enough hours in one day….or moments of respite. Things can get physically, emotionally, and spiritually taxing. Daily.

I need a clone. Or two. Three?

….plus I have some major life changing decisions to make within the next 7-8 months and don’t even know where to begin with that process. (Stuff I’ll eventually write about, but not now…things must come to fruition before I tell their tale.)

I have wonderful people in my life, but they all have their own stuff going on. So…yes…all of this overwhelm and work and decision making feels daunting and lonely all too often.

Why am I writing all of this? Not to invite you to a pity party. Far from it.

I’m writing this because I promised to be very real when I started this blog. We have enough by way of smoke and mirrors and filtered selfies run rampant on social media. Everyone acting like they are pandemic heroes…and that’s great….but it’s not real.

Real is the fact that I….and many, many, many others….are completely overwhelmed, stressed out, exhausted, and just asking for a minute to come up for air.

It is what it is, I suppose.

.…and I have to remind myself (and anyone else who needs to hear it) that the only way through this year and everything it has thrown at us is to take things day by day. Minute by minute if necessary.

Sometimes second by second.

I find myself sighing a lot lately…..much to the chagrin of those who live with me. It’s not a heroine sigh. No swoons or fluttering eyelashes here. Just me reminding myself to breathe. Sometimes that’s the only form of self-care I have time for.

There have been worse things. I know. My dad lived through much worse than this. I do think we are all cut from a very different cloth than our ancestors were….but….there is still some warrior left in us, right? I like to think so.

…but it doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to feel daunted and sometimes defeated.

Especially nowadays when there is so much division that for way too many people their circle of family and friends just keeps getting smaller. As if lockdowns and the ensuing isolation weren’t enough. Study anthropology for just a minute and you’ll realize that we are not meant to isolate. We are not meant to be without our village.

Add in all of the stressors this year has laid in our laps and how do we not feel a gross sense of overwhelm at least some of the time??

So…there it is. I’m overwhelmed. I still smile through a lot of it, but I cry and worry and stress too much on the flip side. I do everything I can holistically to keep myself balanced, but sometimes that’s not enough. I like to feel a sense of control over my life and my future…and that’s not something I think most of us have right now.

I think it’s ok for you all to know that….because I know a hell of a lot of you are feeling the same way.

I think it’s also ok to admit that I am not getting as much done as I was hoping for when it comes to my blog, my business, my ongoing education….I think we are so used to overachieving and multi-tasking that there is this innate sense of guilt and dread when we can’t DO IT ALL. Anyone else with me on this?

So there it is.

Now back to work and kids and getting through it.

We’ve got this…..together. 😉

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** header photo by Roberto Bassi @pixabay