Then Come the Teen Years…

No one prepares you for parenting. Like none of it. Seriously.

You can read all the books, and you can study early childhood education and psychology. You can work with kids and watch every documentary on the planet. It’s not going to prepare you.

You might have some idea, some tools, some back-up plans….but the reality is that parenting will have you spinning mentally, emotionally, and physically from the day that baby pops out until the day you die. You might even still feel this way from behind the pearly gates. I would actually be willing to bet on that.

I’m not gonna sit here and sugar coat it for you.

THIS IS HARD.

If you are lucky enough to have a village of help and people who are raising your kids with you…you may have it easier. Single parents, ahem, deserve massive accolades, statues built, and large monetary bonuses that arrive mysteriously in their bank accounts overnight. Or at the very least a million dollar gift card to the local BevMo. Just sayin’.

SO HARD.

The sleepless nights. The worry. The stress. The teething. The colic. The green liquid poop blowouts. The walking-into-the-store-with-puke-down-your-back moments. That tantrums. The seemingly never-ending illnesses. The food aversions. The clothing aversions. The tantrums. The school drama. The hormonal hell of puberty. The heartbreaks. Sweet baby Jesus.

You can master infancy then get sideswept by toddlerhood. You get those toddlers under control and the preschool years pull the rug right out from under you.

Then they start elementary school and the homework drama begins. You feel like an ass of epic proportions trying to help your kid understand Common Core math while attempting (futilely) to maintain a modicum of authority.

This only gets worse as they head into middle and high school…..and for those of us trying to help our kids with school/homework during lockdowns and a pandemic…have mercy….at least when they’re little you can pretend you know what the f*@^% you’re doing and your kids still think you’re some sort of God. Right?

Do you think that I remember how to do high school Algebra in my 40’s??

I do not.

I’m a mom of teens and therefore have zero cred as it is.

Teens know EVERYTHING. And no matter what you do, or who you are, you are going to be a source of embarrassment to those kids. You also will know and understand absolutely nothing. Ever. Eye roll.

Does not matter that I traveled the world as a fashion model represented by top agencies. I hung out in the VIPs of the most renowned clubs in Milan, NY, Miami, and Tokyo. WITH celebrities.

I am still incredibly uncool and embarrassing.

I speak 4 languages…..but when asked to help with Spanish homework, OH MY GOD MOM YOU DON’T GET ITTTTTTTTTTTTT. No importa que haya estado hablando español desde que tenía un año de edad.

I think I should be the one eye rolling here.

Everything is boring and depressing and often stupid. Because teenagers.

Door slams. Loud sighing. THE WIFI SUCKS MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HORRIBLE EVERYTHING SUCKS OH MY GODDDDDD.

So yeah…I am pretty great with infants, and toddlers, and even the elementary crew now. I’m experienced. I mean, it was all incredibly exhausting while going through it….

…..but the teens?? Oh God. Could we at least have gotten a manual for this? Just this??

Teens now are different. How could they not be? They have grown up in the age of screens and thrust into the world via social media no matter how vigilant we may try to be. Innocence seems to disappear faster than a Slurpee on a dog day of summer in the 80s.

It’s not the simpler times of our youth.

This is so real that even my kids tell me they wish they had grown up like Gen X. I wish they could have too.

Even dating and heartbreak is harder for them now. I was SO NOT READY to deal with this topic, but my 16 year old made me realize, yet again, that this parenting thing is not something we ever, ever, ever, get a true handle on.

In true pandemic form he’s met girls via his social media that have toyed with him, strung him along, and since this kid of mine is a big hearted, hopeless romantic….well…he’s been hurt. Yet he keeps trusting. Time and again.

Social media and teens dating. Helllllp.

It’s all out there. Everything you say and do. Kids toy with each others emotions via posts and comments. Break-ups, hook-ups, infidelity, manipulation. Ugh. I hate it.

Do you know how fun it is to live with a teen that is having “relationship issues”? The mood swings…..dear Lord take the wheel.

….so you find yourself scrambling to set boundaries for the excess attitude, while wishing you could bubble wrap their hearts and sit them on your lap for a cuddle. To make it all better.

IT’S HARD.

I mean, the whole smart phone/social media/internet thing with kids is incredibly difficult. Doesn’t matter how much you try to protect them from it…they inevitably get sucked in one way or the other. You end up swimming against the tide trying to remind them about what is REAL and what is FAKE.

You realize that this world of screens pushes the instant gratification narrative harder than ever and in order to keep up with this push for viral affirmation, so many kids lose their moral compass. Some parents don’t even care.

Which makes you the bad guy. The worst guy. When you actually act like a PARENT.

DID I SAY THIS WAS HARD?

….and neither of my kids drives yet…but I can only assume that comes with a whole new set of gray hairs.

It’s not all bad though. Every age and stage has it’s incredible moments. Sometimes we don’t appreciate or realize them until that age has passed and we’ve moved on to something more difficult.

I can and do take moments to realize that even though the teen years may send me to an early grave….my kids can be hilarious, and it’s fun to have conversations with them (when they aren’t arguing), and I love listening to them talk to their friends about important topics they are passionate about.

I love that they are growing up…although that in itself causes another sort of bittersweet sadness.

HARD.

Finding your community, be it in person or online, of parents is imperative to survival. Trust me.

I was not a fan of mommy groups when my kids were little. There does tend to be a major issue with side eyes and judgement within these little tribes. I have, however, found great online communities of parents of teens that are keeping me somewhat sane.

I’m also reading books on teen psychology and one of the most poignant lines I’ve read so far is that teens are basically crazy people…because of the way their brains are developing and their hormones surging. So…if you feel like your kid is nuts….it’s because they kind of are…..and hopefully you won’t end up in a padded cell yourself just from living with them. 😉

It’s hard, folks.

I think all Sex Ed classes should not only include those baby dolls that cry all night long…but these kids should be forced to live with a couple of teenagers for a week. Birth control at its finest!

Actually…we may end up going extinct if that happens.

Not even kidding!

header photo by Greyerbaby @pixabay.

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