Whether we like it or not, the reality is that we are living in a time in which we are constantly bombarded by a bizarre dichotomy of content online that ranges from curated perfection, filters, highlight reels, and impossible standards to negative, if not, catastrophic news and videos. Not only is this affecting the way we feel, but it is also affecting the way we look, because what we consume via our eyes can impact us on both a mental and physical level causing everything from anxiety, depression, insomnia to accelerated aging and even breakouts. So…maybe it’s time to start setting some digital boundaries? Just maybe….
I’ll try to keep this post as cohesive as possible, but I have so many thoughts on this topic so bear with me if I go off the rails a little. Now listen, while I truly believe that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, social media has created such dysmorphic and unrealistic beauty standards that sit side by side with content that is constantly polluting our minds that the fight for esthetics and peace of mind has become insane. With so much to compare ourselves to, and so much negativity, where does that leave us? Feeling desperate and “not good enough?”….honestly how did we even get here? It almost feels like we’ve forgotten the importance of individual and inner beauty. I mean, I still remember learning as a child that the people we view as most attractive are those who leave the deepest impressions of warmth, empathy, and generosity. People remember how you made them feel, and that alone can change how they see you…and there’s plenty of research that backs this up. A study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that when participants were told a person was kind or generous, they rated that person’s face as more physically attractive than when given neutral descriptions of the exact same image. Another study, published in Personality and Individual Differences in 2016, showed that empathy and altruism consistently raised attractiveness ratings across genders. So basically, our behavior…the way we listen, speak, act, and treat others…literally alters how others perceive our physical selves. What does this tell us? That beauty isn’t just a photo filter…it’s a narrative…the story of who we are.
Unfortunately, the messages we’re fed every day are pulling us in the opposite direction. Scroll through social media and you’ll notice that more and more young women are not only smoothing away every line on their faces along with their features by using any number of filters, but they are also being encouraged to erase them in real life with injectables, sometimes before they’ve even reached their mid-twenties. What was once meant to enhance individuality has started to homogenize it, leaving everyone with the same lips, the same noses, brows, cheekbones, teeth, and the same expressionless faces. Compare that to the actors and models of previous eras…even the 90s supermodels…whose quirks, freckles, tooth gaps, distinguished noses, and distinctive features made them unforgettable. True individuality is where beauty lives, not in copying a single, fleeting template. Now, I agree that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel confident in your own skin, but it’s worth remembering that no cosmetic tweak can replicate the kind of glow that comes from a kind heart and mind. The warmth you carry, the compassion you show, and the energy you bring into a room are the things that make people truly light up, and that’s something you can’t find at the end of a needle or the bottom of a jar of skin cream.
Now, if our inner character shapes how we are viewed by others, then it’s important to note that what we consume online can most certainly shape our inner character….and that’s where we end up in a vicious loop of “let me do this and buy that to look attractive, but I feel nothing but angst at the state of the world, and I hate this current event, and this leader, and this group of people, and…and…and.. I feel angry and anxious and why is my skin breaking out now?”. Psychologists call it the “negativity bias”…our brains are wired to pay more attention to bad news than good because it once kept us safe, but in the digital age, constant exposure to headlines, outrage, and online drama hijacks our nervous system, keeping us in a low hum of stress at all times. The American Psychological Association has linked heavy news consumption with elevated cortisol, anxiety, disrupted sleep, and a decreased ability to feel joy and empathy. When your emotional tank is running on empty, kindness becomes harder to access, and that internal depletion eventually shows up on your face, not just in your expressions but can also lead to accelerated aging, breakouts, and other skin conditions. The dullness you feel after an hour of doomscrolling isn’t just in your mind…it’s your energy turning inward instead of shining outward and this affects everything.
Do I have the perfect answer to any of this? No, I don’t, but as a human on a social media driven planet, and a mother of two college students who are growing up immersed in this new reality, I feel like it’s my responsibility to at least try to mitigate some of this madness. What I have found works, and is one of the simplest ways to reclaim that inner beauty is by being mindful about what you let into your world by limiting your exposure to negativity and seeking out things that nourish your sense of connection and wellness. If you can’t take a break from online life, then create a healthier algorithm where you aren’t seeing impossibly plastic beauty standards or constant news telling you that the world is a terrible place. Stop interacting with that type of material, and instead curate your algorithm to show you things that make you laugh, think, and grow…inspirational content, travel content, funny animals, DIY/crafting, religious content if you are of faith, nostalgia (one of my favorites!)…the good stuff.
We all know that there are terrible things happening across the globe, but do we need to bury ourselves in it every day? How does that help anyone including yourself? Try new things, maybe practice small acts of kindness each day, even the ones that seem insignificant like letting someone merge in traffic, holding the door, offering a compliment, helping a neighbor. Every one of those moments ripples outward, softening you from the inside out. Gratitude works the same way. Taking a few moments each day to acknowledge what’s good trains your brain toward optimism, which not only affects your mood but changes the way you carry yourself….and thus making you more attractive in all the ways that count. Spend more time outdoors. Disconnect from your phone once in a while. Surround yourself with people who inspire and encourage you. These are the quiet rituals that bring you back to yourself plus there’s a lightness that returns when you focus on the good, a kind of ease that reflects outward. You’ll start to notice that others respond differently to you too, because compassion, peace, and authenticity are magnetic.
So while it’s still perfectly fine to keep up with your skincare and fitness routine (I know I am!), it’s soooo important to remember that if we fixate too much on outer glow, we miss the deeper truth that beauty is an echo of our choices, our empathy, and our willingness to stay soft in a world that often pushes us to harden. True beauty doesn’t fade…it evolves. It deepens. It invites. It radiates. So today, take a breath. Do one small act of kindness. Pause before scrolling through another wave of bad news. Let your inner light breathe a little, and remember that’s the kind of beauty that lasts, and the kind the world needs more of. Go be beautiful, my friends! 🙂
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