For those of you who know me, I am now an empty nester…but since I live behind the local high school, I feel compelled to address something I have quietly let simmer in my soul for over a decade. The debacle of every school drop-off and pick up known to man.
Ever since my kids entered the halls of learning straight back when Play-Doh and Legos still ruled their curriculum, I have wondered what on earth happens to the driving skills of an outrageously large number of parents the moment their offspring enroll in school. It’s as if their ability to park, use turn signals, include a sense of common decency, and just plain drive ends up tossed into the Diaper Genie never to be seen again.
These are people who otherwise have the skill and ability to strap a struggling toddler into a three point harnessed car seat, and drive on a highway with two (or more) siblings screaming at gut punching decibels in the back seat arriving (often miraculously) at Point B safely and in once piece. It takes some serious competence to do these things….so what happens the minute they enter a school zone?
Without fail, from preschool to high school, I’ve witnessed parents sit at the drop-off curb for extended periods of time just chatting it up with their kid while other parents are expected to sit and wait in an ever extending line of vehicles behind them…on a daily basis. Often these parents will continue to yell out at their kids through the open passenger window as they walk into the school building. The patience it takes not to lay on the horn is superhuman.
I’ve seen parents park in front of driveways, move trash bins, and completely block other people in to their parking spots in order to not have to walk a few extra blocks to the school gate. Also, daily. During one memorable moment, I remember walking back to my car, when my kids were in elementary school, only to find that I had been completely trapped in my perfectly legal spot by a car who had parked in front of me (while also blocking a home’s driveway) so closely that you wouldn’t have been able to fit a credit card in between our cars. I had another vehicle behind me that had also parked up against my back bumper within an inch of its life. Somehow, by the grace of God, some incredible Mother Teresa-esque patience and fortitude, and the dexterity of a The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift precision driver, I was able to get out of that spot without touching either vehicle. I had work to get to, what can I say.
Another time, when my kids were in middle school, I ended up stuck behind a car for over 15 minutes in the middle of the street as it straddled both lanes while waiting for their child to exit the school and enter their backseat. This is an area of my former hometown that contains an elementary, middle, and high school all in a row within a neighborhood of very high traffic yet narrow streets…it was wild navigating this area on a good day…so to have someone feel entitled to stop all traffic on the street so that they wouldn’t have to park, and God forbid, have their kid walk maybe two blocks, was beyond all comprehension. Parents were honking, and when the crossing guard finally walked over to tell them to move, they were greeted by expletives and threats…this dad did not look like someone you’d want to meet in a dark alley, so nothing was done and after about 20 minutes his kid walked out, right into the middle of the road, got in the car, and the rest of us were then allowed to proceed. Wild.
I had a woman in a minivan with her three kids sideswipe my car in a school parking lot as she careened into the spot next to mine, get out, look at my car, grab her kids, and run into the school. Thankfully, I only had to buff out a few scratches, but I was so shocked in the moment, I didn’t know how to react.
I’ve lived in three major cities while raising my kids and have encountered this madness everywhere (albeit, the area of Los Angeles I lived in was decidedly the worst) and in all of these areas, there has always been plenty of parking just a few additional blocks away. If these parents could only just allow their children and themselves to stretch their legs a little and enjoy an early morning walk to the school gate, so much of this madness could be avoided!….but entitlement and lack of consideration rule supreme, sadly.
….and here’s the thing. As parents, we are supposed to set examples for our kids. If we act like entitled jerks during school drop-off and pick up, what are we teaching them?
So…I wanted to quickly write a few unofficial and unwritten rules for whoever may need them….and trust, a lot of people need them! Here we go….and feel free to add a few more in the comments!:
THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF SCHOOL DROP-OFF AND PICKUP
-Make sure your kid is ready when you pull up to the drop-off. End conversation and have your kid ready to do a jump-out and roll like a mafia dropoff. If you need to have a detailed diatribe with your offspring, maybe park 3-4 blocks away and do the ol’ walk and talk. Otherwise, it’s love you, unbuckle, grab backpack, and get out!
-Never, ever, never…and I mean ever park in front of someone’s driveway. I mean, why would you??
-Never move move someone’s trash bins so you can park. Most trash pick-up companies will not empty bins if they are in the wrong spot or placed up on the sidewalk. Your desire to not use your legs for a couple of blocks could mean a family ends up with full bins until the following week…and they may want to put you and your entitlement in the bin if they catch you.
-Also, NEVER park in someone else’s driveway. This should not have to be said, but unfortunately, it is an actual thing.
-Please do not park so closely to another car that they cannot get out. Remember, not everyone will want to leave your bumper intact when you squeeze them in like this!
-Do not stop in the middle of the road to wait for your kid. Also, do not stop in the middle of the road to have a conversation with Johnny’s mom about where she got her highlights or if Becky’s dad is having an affair.
-If your child is fully capable of opening the car door, you may not park and escort them. Unless there is an injury, an instrument the size of a refrigerator, or an emotional crisis of historic proportions, curbside independence is encouraged.
-Hazard lights do not magically turn your car into a “park anywhere” vehicle. They are not a spell. They do not freeze time. They do not excuse stopping diagonally across two lanes.
-Your car door should not open into oncoming traffic. No matter how chaotic the morning feels, physics still applies.
-The pickup line is not the place to check emails, scroll social media, or start a podcast. The moment your child appears is not the time to say, “Wait, where are they?” We all watched them walk toward your car while you were liking a post.
I hope this helps anyone who may be confused as to what is actually expected when driving their kiddos to and from school. For the rest of us (especially those of us no longer doing drop-offs and pick ups) I hope this gave you a moment of nostalgic humor without the rising blood pressure we felt back in the day.
Parenting is tough, I get it. It never really stops being tough, but when we remember that we are all going through it…and make decisions that don’t make life harder for the parent in the car behind yours…it just might make things feel a little less overwhelming for a moment. Am I right? 😉
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